she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
