party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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