how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
