I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
