Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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