im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
