Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
