some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
