Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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