also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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