If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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