remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
