plz talk dirty to me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
