I could make wine with my vomit
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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