i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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