I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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