Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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