i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
