I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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