I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
