So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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