You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
