There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
