this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
