i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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