i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he was CRYING into my vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
