But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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