Will you blow on my dice?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
barbara walters just said penis...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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