i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
