took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
