she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
