i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
