he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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