When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
