I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
