fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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