sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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