Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
