i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
