Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
