you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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