i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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