I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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