so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
