Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
