I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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