There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
