I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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