the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
