I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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