somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
