I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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